Thursday, January 21, 2010

bowing to the shadow......



20 000 troops in haiti
survivors moved to g bay
another war
another take over
another human tragedy

india comes into my office
and makes eye contact
the canine translation of walk please
i look at the screen flashing
i look at her eyes
and say a huge yes

stepping out into the night
there is a slight breeze in the air
the church clock chimes 10
the dogs romp and wrestle and run
all simultaneously

the stars around me glow, shimmer and attract
the moon not quite half remains orange from the fires
a satellite passes over and around me
in its perfectly ordered trajectory

the roads are clay and stony
i am pleased i found shoes
some sections there are no street lights
and i rely on my knowing of the road
and that gentle moon

and still the dogs run forward and backwards
such bliss
i catch that
a smile is launched from the belly
and spreads outwards
a chuckle starts to brew
and next thing i am one of the mcbeth witches
laughing out loud as i pass the pepper tree

another section of road which has just the right light
to create a perfect shadow
my outline is bold and stretches twice the body's size
i do a dance
and watch the shadow stretch and twist and finally bow

walking on the village dogs are all sleeping
most of the lights are out
and still we walk

another satellite passes by

find myself walking up the steep road to the dam
the dogs run ahead to chase something
an owl soundlessly arises off the road
away from their attention
and lands on the electric wire

i look up at him and he turns his head
to see me
i lie down on the stony earth best to
see him in comfort
the dogs sniff the area around me
they are used to my horizontal inclinations

another owl lands
there are four wires
the one is on the top
and other is just to the right on the second
i am sure it would make a musical note
i wonder how it would sound

the dogs choose to come and lie beside me
there is a deep stillness
i look at the stars and see another satellite
but this one is moving randomly -
perhaps it is from space
and as i am about to get exited about
a possible sighting
one owl swoops down low over me
and lands on a fence post, close by
sunny gets up and it flies off

something tells me i should get home
but i know i won't
the flames which i escaped
were a metaphor for the transformation
unfolding............

embracing the unknown

eventually.......
i find myself walking home
to a house in darkness
electricity out
silent beyond belief
no fans, no radio in kids room
just the silence
and of course haiti, the moon, the owls,
the star, the dogs, the road, the shadow
all within this light of knowing.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Alert - Fire warning - evacuation

Okay my friends I need some good intentions.
The fire broke out again and the winds have picked up.
They reckon they will start evacuating within the next hour or two.
Hopefully they will contain it but it appears unlikely.
Fucking hell got to load 12 hens, 1 rabbit, 7 guinea pigs, 24 rats,
2 dogs, 2 cats, 4 snakes, 4 kids -
and all the villagers that don't have transport...
Hold thumbs, light candles, we are in for a bumpy ride.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Challenging all assumptions


Fire fire everywhere
except where there is snow of course.

Fire raging in the mountains around us, strong winds combining to create the most astonishing light I have seen in a long time.
Sitting in the garden the light reflects off my tanned arms.
I stare at in wonder.
A neighbour comes approaches me and asks if I am concerned, I said no not anymore.
But a short while before I had experienced pure panic.
A few hours earlier Tao (always Tao) had gone off hiking with Siyabongi over the hills
and when I looked some time after that, I noticed the fire had traversed a huge distance in a very short span of time and that they were in that vicinity where it was headed.
Got in the car, raced to the spot, went along a path that only a camel would normally be able to traverse, all the time hooting and screaming and in quite a state of panic.

The wind picked up and in that second I felt completely powerless. All I could do was head there myself but then what about the kids and animals at home if the fire came any closer.
So I did something I have become rather adept at, I surrendered.
I sqauatted down and had a pee on the white gravel, (what is it with bladders and fear) watched the pattern form, wondered how that tiny selection of life got liquid at that moment in time.
And with that little bit of microscopic marveling, the panic subsided.
A crow flew low overhead and I just packed up laughing.

Fuck it life - I accept it as it is.
No more resistance.
At that moment Tao and Bongi came over the hill and we headed home where we made plans of getting all the animals out of here.
But the threat lost its intensity and the amazing firefighters put out the blaze that some small penised arsonist started.

Driving to the town the day after a truck of firefighters were on the side of the road and upon sight of them this outpouring emotion expressed itself with tears rolling down the face at the same time as the deepest belly laugh erupted. I got out and shook all their hands and felt pure love for these beings that had just spent three days in a physics laboratory with changing patterns.

Coming home I found yet another neighbour grilling Cian about what he wanted to do with his life. Cian was saying live it.
And he was saying yeah but you got to go to universtity and you have to ...........
As I departed to make tea I heard Cian saying how he was 14 - he had no idea how he wanted to earn a living, probably in as many ways as possible.
And I went in and made him a cup of tea and put a teaspoon of salt in it.
He spat it out and asked if I had done it deliberately.
I said I had done it with more awareness then he was whipping Cian.
He went on to tell me he will never get anywhere if he...
At which point I told him that my entire life I had being pointed out the business leaders, the doctors, the politicians , the people of high education, worthy of respect.
And yet at this jucture in time I would spit at them before I shook their hands.

I told Cian about my emotion upon meeting these men and how it was a pure response from the body with no dialogue from mind.
I said if you can follow your true calling as a human being, being instead of having instead of doing, then you will know peace which is not synonymous with sucess..
And no you will not be invited to estates in the English countryside or to the Hamptons or such.
But those things are losing their allure and value by the second.

And then evening came and dinner was served and Sage offered to carve the chicken.
Again the neighbour perked up with critisicm "who taught you to do that", that is not how you do it, here let me show you" and he then proceeded to do it in the socially acceptable way, where there was more meat left on the carcass then necessary. So the boys grabbed it and did it their way whilst he shook his head.

And for me it was a difficult moment, I have been raised with the whole thing of manners maketh man and that whole paradigm and here I was on the other side of the proper way of doing things. I mean I can accept living outside the grid but could I accept such primitive life skills my offspring possesed when doing this task.
And once again this laugh just arose and I looked at the kids and said I wonder when our cavemen forefathers came up with this rule.

Life gave me an amazing Christmas present this year.
For a non believer it was extra speical.
Whenever suffering arises it is noticed immediately and straight away it will become apparent that there is an assumption acting out and then looking at that assumption I have no choice but to challenge it.

And this gets to be a lot of fun because at the end of the day every single thing needs to be challenged.
And with this, the prison walls come tumbling down, because everything and I mean everything I have been taught or assumed has no veracity and what is left is the clear realisation that there is no me doing or surviving. What I am is the empty space in which the appearance of Su arises and disappears. And this space is totally unaffected by the arisings.

Anyone for chicken?

The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Buddha