the hushed silences, the tailored undertakers, the overpriced, overharvested wooden coffins
in this country, so many live on the very basics. everything denied. for so many the only party one often has is the one at the end of your life. the one you can in no way enjoy.
you can't enjoy it not only because you are not there, and even if you were there just viewing it you would not be able to enjoy it due to the fact that it is such a waste of money for the people you love and have tried your whole life to support now spending five years funding via sickening loans on your departure. that is where you get recognised for being a human of value - when you are no longer there.
the cheapest funeral that is not a paupers, comes in at R18 000 - and the weirdest thing is you have to go via the funeral parlour. why is this - well it simply became a law when governments made it mandatory for certain companies to have the sole financial benefit of burying people. so someone dies and immediately the right channels are put in place, the police are informed, the banks are informed and your account immediately frozen - what a fucking cheek. just when your family needs the money most, your account is closed because the government needs to ensure that they get their cut on it first. your money going to the sharks and seemingly no one ever questions this. and the funeral parlours put this all in place. they are the penguins of death.
i always figured that your point of departure should follow your desire, not some catalogued, outpriced, zero optioned ceremony. growing up i aspired to an opheliasque kind of scene in which i would be sent down a river on a log raft covered with tons of petals, honeysuckle and rose (which would mean a winter death - but hey) - and then the river would twist around a corner and someone would hit an explosive (organic and harmless of course) and that would be it. just the sweet smell of burning flesh and singed blossoms.
now it has changed somewhat - just leave me out for the vultures. put me in the veldt and bugger off and let these buzzards eat me.
please god don't let anyone stand over me at any point committing my soul to anyone on any plane. please god don't let anyone say that my departure is a loss and a sadness. please let us not mention jesus or his venegal father. keep all gods out of it. just avoid the parlours, wrap me in a carpet, travel the distance required - hoist me out the boot and place me on the ground. try and ensure that if my eyes were opened that i would be happy with the view. i would definitely want to hear laughter, i would definitely want some jokes directed at this way of being. i would then want you to all bugger off and leave me on the earth as food, as nourishment , as something rapidly disappearing.
and one day, someone on earth will remember me or recall me for the last time, and then this memory will be completely extinguished.
why does this bring me such joy and peace?
i think funerals are such a total waste of money and resources. wrap someone in a white cloth and place them on a pyre, and if they choose not to be burnt, wrap them in a cloth and bury them in the earth. if there is no strong, solid box to slow the worms ability to get to you and consume you then you will quickly cease to take up space. and in however many years that would be, another body is placed in the hole - who cares - you won't be there to share your space anymore. maybe just a skull or a few bones, but who you are will not be there at all.
so enough of this bullshit. death is a business. death is something we are taught to fear.
for me death is the moment of liberation - how can i mourn or deny that.
let us live life so totally in every moment that we keep the universe entertained with the fullness of our roles we play.
let us be larger than life, let our laughter dominate the streets, let our joy fall onto others,
let us live to the full - and when that is over , then let us die with irreverence and delight.
not having lost - having only gained.
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