Monday, August 20, 2012

Total Surrender

 So something makes me click on a newspaper page sometime in July and I see an image of Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela on Madiba's  94th birthday.  He looks 94,  has that same being kept alive look that Franco  had.   When he was released I was filled with awe and admiration. A freedom fighter who had served so long on an island of incarceration.   Where he was cared for rather well - hence his longevity, unlike the other fighters such as Steve Biko who had to be taken out.  Anyway I also call out when I see the emperor is wearing no clothes and the first time I did this with Mandela was when I saw him entertaining Charles Taylor - Liberian despot who killed thousands ruthlessly.   And yet no-one says anything.  Naomi whatever, ramp model is at the same gathering and is given a fat diamond by the warlord - all under Mandela's roof.  Apparently Taylor is a higher mason ranking then Madiba.  Makes one think - or maybe makes one puke instead.  And then when I saw this man posing with the likes of Michael Jackson and Brittany Spears - well then I just said no fucking way is this man a leader.  He is a pin up puppet - has he critiszed Israel - no - only Desmond Tutu has.  Did he say anything when the ANC refused to allow the Dalai Lama in to celebrate the good bishop's birthday.  No.  The true leader in this country is an elderly bishop who is not scared of confrontation and who for a long time now has been shouting down our ruling party.

So to retract a bit,  when a few weeks ago I see Mandela and Bill Clinton in a photo together, my blood ran cold.  And when a week after that I saw a second of Hill - eirie trying to dance in this land of mine it ran ever colder.  Because wherever these two go there is an uprising upon their departure.   There was a miners strike a week ago,  40 dead, 200 injured.  I don't say I blame the police.  It is terrifying to be marched upon by warrior tribes - I don't condone it but as human survival goes I understand it.  Credo Mutwa -our prophet - wrote a few weeks ago that war was coming to our land.  It would be black on black violence.  And hey guess what.  It is unraveling.   Who would benefit from war here now -  well those who need our gold reserves.  China is going to be launching a gold backed currency and Russia who has greater gold reserves then us would be too difficult a picking.  But here with all our corruption and greed it would be so easy to set up an "uprising".   And with the evil pair having been here nothing but our most solemn intention for peace will negate the deals made.

The planet itself is splitting, and twisting, storming and diving -
And yet for now - it remains habitable for us earthlings.
Bill Bryson said in his book "A short history of nearly everything" that the earth in her history has been mainly inhospitable to life as we know it.   What we have now is a gift,  a nano second in time of beauty and splendour and sustainability.  I cannot lament the cycles that are ending and the changes coming - all I can do is marvel at how we all hang in this fragile balance, so magnificent in it's intelligence and yet so seldom give thanks for.
Whilst it is so easy to bitch about our lives and our hardships and the likes - if we go general- there is so much to be grateful for.
Thank you for the sun, for the rain, for the solid earth beneath my feet, for gravity, for oxygen, for light, for  life forms, for food.
So as I have just moved through the most challenging month of my life where everyday a miracle appeared in order for me to feed my family - there was not oh shit it should not be this way but just a vast appreciation for the delivery of the needs as they arose.  And although there is a wish that there could be just  a bit more security,  just a little less challenge - I go back to the general.  Thank you for the sun etc etc etc.

Snow fell over 9 of our provinces.  
This has never happened before.
An American visitor said he had seen chemtrails here the week before.

A cyclone was cycloning in the Antartic.  And another one was doing it's thing unseasonally in the Arctic.   Unsettling, disturbing,  every vibration I was feeling was one of discord.  Wanted to bundle up in front of the fire and just keep the home and hearth safe and yet I was being called to a gathering of the clan in the spirit house in the mountains.  I tried every excuse.  How could I leave Iona?  Her teacher and friend Oona crossed that off the list.  How could I leave the ailing mother in law.?  Another friend and caregiver eliminated that concern.  Yeah but what about Cian and Sage - who would keep a lid on their activities.  Well they insisted that I go and assured me that all would be well.  So everything, I mean everything was taken care of and I had no choice but to take my blankets and head to the car.  With a whole lot of misgivings and surrender as an ally.

Four of us set forth.  The drive was beautiful,  the sun was still shining and yet I knew the storm was coming.  That added an element of anticipation which always heightens it all.
Up into the mountains into the spirit house.  And then the winds blew.  Too hard to light the fire inside, the wind just pumped down the chimney, suffocating us all.  The medicine was strong - for the first time I was taken.  Straight to pure love, pure consciousness.  And in that space there was awareness repeating the words I am here now in this.  On the in breath and the out breath.  A stillness,  a gentleness , an ease, an expansion.   Beautiful dmt light images and visions.  And all the time awareness being here now with each breath.

An hour long silence where the entire group simply melted into no thingness.  The wind being the midwife.   And then the second offering was offered.  I have always declined the second dose.  Being the coward I am.  And yet Natalie walked me towards it and I tried to pull away but she said to me it is time.  It is time.   So I went forth.
Returned to my seat and a bolt of lightning hit my belly and this voice said we are clearing you out now.  And I went from Christ Consciousness to hell.  Dark Jed McKenna scenes of darkness and decay.  My belly screaming,  unable to breath, a tightness and constriction of my whole body,  feeling like passing out.   An intensity similar to the final stage of labour.   Knew I had to get to the bathroom, just did not know how.  And still awareness was I am here now in this.  Everyone was in a deep silence again and I wove and staggered to the ablutions just as my body discharged from both directions.   Okay there was one hell of a mess to clean up.  Some of my clothes got hit and it meant washing them out.  My body had to be cleaned with ice cold water.  But I felt better nw,  something horrendous had left my sphere.  After the ecstasy the laundry brought on a personal attribute.   Thankfully the singing started up again so the running of the taps and the cleaning and the cleaning and again the cleaning was not a disturbance.
Returning to the space there was a lightness of being.  An acceptance of what was.  And probably more importantly there was the realisation that as profound as the feeling of unity and consciousness was - there was something aware of that.  And as monstrous and debilitating as the 'death' was there was something aware of that.  Nothing that appears on the screen is it - only the space in which it  all appears is the one of ever lasting value.

Stepping outside there was lighting in the distance.  Such frequent strikes one could read a book by it.  And before the clouds came, in that starry night I saw 22 shooting stars.
How profound is that?



The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Buddha