Total Surrender

 So something makes me click on a newspaper page sometime in July and I see an image of Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela on Madiba's  94th birthday.  He looks 94,  has that same being kept alive look that Franco  had.   When he was released I was filled with awe and admiration. A freedom fighter who had served so long on an island of incarceration.   Where he was cared for rather well - hence his longevity, unlike the other fighters such as Steve Biko who had to be taken out.  Anyway I also call out when I see the emperor is wearing no clothes and the first time I did this with Mandela was when I saw him entertaining Charles Taylor - Liberian despot who killed thousands ruthlessly.   And yet no-one says anything.  Naomi whatever, ramp model is at the same gathering and is given a fat diamond by the warlord - all under Mandela's roof.  Apparently Taylor is a higher mason ranking then Madiba.  Makes one think - or maybe makes one puke instead.  And then when I saw this man posing with the likes of Michael Jackson and Brittany Spears - well then I just said no fucking way is this man a leader.  He is a pin up puppet - has he critiszed Israel - no - only Desmond Tutu has.  Did he say anything when the ANC refused to allow the Dalai Lama in to celebrate the good bishop's birthday.  No.  The true leader in this country is an elderly bishop who is not scared of confrontation and who for a long time now has been shouting down our ruling party.

So to retract a bit,  when a few weeks ago I see Mandela and Bill Clinton in a photo together, my blood ran cold.  And when a week after that I saw a second of Hill - eirie trying to dance in this land of mine it ran ever colder.  Because wherever these two go there is an uprising upon their departure.   There was a miners strike a week ago,  40 dead, 200 injured.  I don't say I blame the police.  It is terrifying to be marched upon by warrior tribes - I don't condone it but as human survival goes I understand it.  Credo Mutwa -our prophet - wrote a few weeks ago that war was coming to our land.  It would be black on black violence.  And hey guess what.  It is unraveling.   Who would benefit from war here now -  well those who need our gold reserves.  China is going to be launching a gold backed currency and Russia who has greater gold reserves then us would be too difficult a picking.  But here with all our corruption and greed it would be so easy to set up an "uprising".   And with the evil pair having been here nothing but our most solemn intention for peace will negate the deals made.

The planet itself is splitting, and twisting, storming and diving -
And yet for now - it remains habitable for us earthlings.
Bill Bryson said in his book "A short history of nearly everything" that the earth in her history has been mainly inhospitable to life as we know it.   What we have now is a gift,  a nano second in time of beauty and splendour and sustainability.  I cannot lament the cycles that are ending and the changes coming - all I can do is marvel at how we all hang in this fragile balance, so magnificent in it's intelligence and yet so seldom give thanks for.
Whilst it is so easy to bitch about our lives and our hardships and the likes - if we go general- there is so much to be grateful for.
Thank you for the sun, for the rain, for the solid earth beneath my feet, for gravity, for oxygen, for light, for  life forms, for food.
So as I have just moved through the most challenging month of my life where everyday a miracle appeared in order for me to feed my family - there was not oh shit it should not be this way but just a vast appreciation for the delivery of the needs as they arose.  And although there is a wish that there could be just  a bit more security,  just a little less challenge - I go back to the general.  Thank you for the sun etc etc etc.

Snow fell over 9 of our provinces.  
This has never happened before.
An American visitor said he had seen chemtrails here the week before.

A cyclone was cycloning in the Antartic.  And another one was doing it's thing unseasonally in the Arctic.   Unsettling, disturbing,  every vibration I was feeling was one of discord.  Wanted to bundle up in front of the fire and just keep the home and hearth safe and yet I was being called to a gathering of the clan in the spirit house in the mountains.  I tried every excuse.  How could I leave Iona?  Her teacher and friend Oona crossed that off the list.  How could I leave the ailing mother in law.?  Another friend and caregiver eliminated that concern.  Yeah but what about Cian and Sage - who would keep a lid on their activities.  Well they insisted that I go and assured me that all would be well.  So everything, I mean everything was taken care of and I had no choice but to take my blankets and head to the car.  With a whole lot of misgivings and surrender as an ally.

Four of us set forth.  The drive was beautiful,  the sun was still shining and yet I knew the storm was coming.  That added an element of anticipation which always heightens it all.
Up into the mountains into the spirit house.  And then the winds blew.  Too hard to light the fire inside, the wind just pumped down the chimney, suffocating us all.  The medicine was strong - for the first time I was taken.  Straight to pure love, pure consciousness.  And in that space there was awareness repeating the words I am here now in this.  On the in breath and the out breath.  A stillness,  a gentleness , an ease, an expansion.   Beautiful dmt light images and visions.  And all the time awareness being here now with each breath.

An hour long silence where the entire group simply melted into no thingness.  The wind being the midwife.   And then the second offering was offered.  I have always declined the second dose.  Being the coward I am.  And yet Natalie walked me towards it and I tried to pull away but she said to me it is time.  It is time.   So I went forth.
Returned to my seat and a bolt of lightning hit my belly and this voice said we are clearing you out now.  And I went from Christ Consciousness to hell.  Dark Jed McKenna scenes of darkness and decay.  My belly screaming,  unable to breath, a tightness and constriction of my whole body,  feeling like passing out.   An intensity similar to the final stage of labour.   Knew I had to get to the bathroom, just did not know how.  And still awareness was I am here now in this.  Everyone was in a deep silence again and I wove and staggered to the ablutions just as my body discharged from both directions.   Okay there was one hell of a mess to clean up.  Some of my clothes got hit and it meant washing them out.  My body had to be cleaned with ice cold water.  But I felt better nw,  something horrendous had left my sphere.  After the ecstasy the laundry brought on a personal attribute.   Thankfully the singing started up again so the running of the taps and the cleaning and the cleaning and again the cleaning was not a disturbance.
Returning to the space there was a lightness of being.  An acceptance of what was.  And probably more importantly there was the realisation that as profound as the feeling of unity and consciousness was - there was something aware of that.  And as monstrous and debilitating as the 'death' was there was something aware of that.  Nothing that appears on the screen is it - only the space in which it  all appears is the one of ever lasting value.

Stepping outside there was lighting in the distance.  Such frequent strikes one could read a book by it.  And before the clouds came, in that starry night I saw 22 shooting stars.
How profound is that?


Anon said…
Reportedly 'Nelson Mandela' is an agent of MI6.

Mandela's recruitment by the British intelligence service is revealed in the book, 'MI6: Fifty Years of Special Operations', by the intelligence expert Stephen Dorril.

- Aangirfan
Zoner said…
Most excellent, su. How very fortunate indeed to surrender to.........everything?
su said…
Aangirfan - would not surprise me that he is an agent of MI6. The true agents of change were knocked out.
This country is still owned by the Oppenheimers.
Sad but true.

Zoner - selective surrender is not surrender my friend.
surrender to all is the only true letting go.
not that one chooses to let go - you sort of get bashed into it by the seeming relentlessness of life.
P2P said…
you write beautifully, I really like the flow of your words.

when hillary was in helsinki some weeks ago we didn't sleep at night, but meditated so that she'd realize she's not welcome in our city. out of compassion, we also wished that her higher self would turn the tides of her being - one can wish...

dmt is in my doorstep, too. a good friend has been nursing salvia plants for a couple of years, anticipating the right moment himself. we'll see - courage mounts slowly...
su said…
I feel so unevolved after reading your post.
what did you do with hell- ary was beautiful and noble and inspiring.
me - up till your comment transformed me just wanted to catch her and hold her in a room for a few days and just look at her until she exploded.

I went to your blog. I really like the first poem. Captured so much. Going to look at more.
Thank you for being in this space at this moment in time.
Anonymous said…
The spirit house
A warming heart
The lighted fire
A dynamic path
The living conscious
Love that's pure
A spiral braid
Infinite lure
A wave of essence
Colourful band
A rising plume
A holding hand
The resonant lift
A vibrant pull
Harmonic patterns
Brush through all

Anonymous said…
Su I love you,,,,you are brave,,,

P2P. I saw that too,,,i had a feeling of opening,,,a turning round.....
I look forward to reading more of your stuff,,,it's really good

su said…
god manifests through you so clearly, wisely and beautifully through the words you write.
i am eternally honoured that your words of understanding and recognition find there way to this page.
Anonymous said…
Thanks su,,,I see what you have just said in you too,,

Thank god for love and it's numerous manifestations,,,,

Respect ,,,neil
P2P said…
cheers for the kind words. I hope my scribbling is enjoyed though am very conscious of it being heavy in weight and grim in tone... mostly my mind is filled with light, love and happiness, yet it is the dark nights, existential gloom, longing for those lost in time and such that inspire me to write. hopefully some day I learn to put pure light to words, too.

the power of thought, intention and words is beyond me, yet I know they're all there working behind the curtain of reality. once, years ago, I got very aggressive towards a certain geopolitical figure over a book I read, and instinctively sent heart-ripping flashes up the aether from my spine, hoping the death of him. a night or two later I got a visit from a shadow being, and literally got my ass kicked. aggression opens the door to retaliation. that's an extreme example, I admit. ill intentions, mean thoughts, death-wishes and such are seen as mere thoughts yet seem to form a weird dark haze around a person. so no need to go there either.

yet, higher selves, they're divine and great to try to empower. if someone's ego is an ass you can just gaze through the eyes into the depths behind and try to form a new language to speak to that which is mute behind the facade. in time, it works. getting caught onto arguing and trying to mold someone's ego with its terms is useless. never forget we all go deep.

in hillary I saw fear, the same fear all her like carry. it's a fear that'll drive you crazy, soul-killing fear. when you know the darkness without a doubt and have seen it around your palms the fear is much worse than that which those left in the dark experience. you can move anywhere in the dark, just try not to hurt yourself while bumping into things. but when the darkness is clear as day there's nowhere to run.

that's why I found it worthy to think, say in my mind - you're protected like we all are if you do the right thing. walk out with a clear mind and a pure heart and we'll all know it and forgive.

satori is just a blink away for all, no matter the situation. if we have a mantra of hate in the back of our heads, directed to those who're 'above' us we're only dooming them to be as they are, lacking the courage needed to blow the whistle. I find so-called traditional descriptions of societies compelling, societies which were formed with the idea that the leader of a group of people was the embodiment of the energies of the group, like a pinnacle that stood in the cross-paths of the higher spheres and the mundane, transferring cause and effect as above, so below. in the light of this, I can bend my mind to seeing a clear logic in today's lunacy, where the people want their leaders dead and the leaders want their people dead. volition is not necessitated by this process. it just is.

P2P said…
thoughts along a similar line as mine, though better articulated and in a beautiful form
Anonymous said…
P2P it's dark and light,,,,it's an opening through,,,,full of guidance and all of those things,I felt it deeply so I read your Castaneda post,,,,you know your stuff,,,that's obvious,,,have you ever been over to John lashs gaiaspora,,,,,there is something building there,something else,,,something big,,,,something beyond,,,,,,John lash needs people exactly like you,,
So if you haven't been it's definately worth checking out,,,,,,,,,,Su Su needs to go there too,

Respects neil
Cap'n Spadgett said…
HI Su,

I would like to ask you how your digestion is after your purge?

I am thinking of participating in/on a journey. Having some digestion problems I am curious as to how it effects it.

Loved your post, just beautiful.
su said…
Thanks for the visit.
You ask how is the digestion after the major purge.
A few years ago I did a 30 day water fast which I think at some level did some damage. My blood pressure was 70 over 39 for a long time. Theoretically I should have not been able to walk around but I did.
I checked it the other day for fun and it was 100 over 60.
I have never felt better in my life.
I personally prefer the santo daime ceremonies.
They are for the collective and therefor there is less possibility of ego disruption.
I cannot begin to tell you how this master teacher has come into my life with a trail of blessings, understanding and letting go's.
Please keep me posted on your journey.
Such a beautiful reality is revealed.
Many blessings.
Cap'n Spadgett said…
Thank you Su.

I do feel like I need to purge, (out demons, out). Having a sensitive digestion I was just curious as to the physical after effects.

I am not familiar with santo daime, will read up on it.

Soon I will find some words for a new post.
su said…
The thing about ayahuasca is that it is in a different league to any other plant teacher.
Mycelium and such give you visions and perhaps knowing but it can be a hit and miss affair depending on where you are.
Ayahuasca is the Queen of the Forest. She has this intelligence that just knows what you need.
I have known people who hear the plant talking in the body telling them what part of the body needs healing and then you can feel the energy there and the work happening.
I also know of people who have had demons come out through purging and such and say their lives have changed forever.
One man on the first journey I took had gone because he had lost his young daughter 15 years ago in a car crash and he had been unable to move on.
He was taken back to the happening of the accident and the aftermath and the paramedics and his daughter. He saw her as radiantly alive and came to know with certainty that death is just a lie we have been sold.
For me I had taken a few doses before the purging happened.
For me my lessons have been gentle but that is only because I plead with the teacher plant before hand to go gently with me.
In between the journeys however she lays the lessons of clearance hard and fast. But I always get them -and that is great.

Astonishing is it not.
Cap'n Spadgett said…
Mmmm, I AM captivated.

I am coming out the other end of some big changes right now and really need to move on. But in a new way, if you know what I mean.

The old habits that cling to me as I cling to them taking me from this moment are both tiring, and boring.
There is so much I am carrying that I simply don't need and I know it causes me harm. I also know I need help.

I humbly call on the Queen of the forest to guide me.

su said…
Ah how blessed are we to have come upon the Queen of the forest.

Blessings and grace to you on your journey.
I am finding out more and more of the Queen everywhere.
This was todays finding.
Cap'n Spadgett said…
Thank you for your blessings,

"Ask, and you shall receive" seems to be the case here. I awoke his morning to a missed call from an invitation to a ceremony!

Granted I had made the initial contact last week, but the timing,,,

Thank you for the link and I will keep you informed.

Cap'n Spadgett said…
Dearest Su,

My heart has been touched beyond words by the grace of this plant.

Two days ago I entered into a world of love I have never known. I feel kindness and contentment, kindred and and benevolence. I was held and loved by this beautiful teacher in a room of some of the kindest people I have met face to face in all my life.

I am touched, I am loved I have had deep, deep healing, I feel splendid, splendid gratitude, I have faced am facing a very important issue which I previously felt powerless to help/change. I have been shown how to approach this and I have and will continue until it is resolved. So blessed so, so very blessed to have come across Madre. So wonderful, so very very wonderful.

You were within my thoughts throughout my time there and your writings gave me courage.

Thank you

Much, much Love you splendid Being.

Much, much Love.
su said…
aah captain,

she truly is a wonder.
such a divine wisdom and the people who she calls are clear and clean.
i am so delighted to hear from you and to hear your elation.

i am off in a few minutes back into the mountains to do another ceremony and on the 21st and 22nd as well.

i can't thank life enough for the presence of this teacher on my door at these times.

praise juramidam.
praise the queen of the forest.
Chondon Chondro said…
Spirits of the Season
I have always resonated with this Solstice season, and sought out the deepest meaning of Christmas that I could find, even back in high school. Now it has expanded to include so much more, or at least there are more reasons to explain what I already felt at this time of year. Christmas at my uncle’s estate on the cliffs of Lake Erie was quite a scene. I’d disappear from my 30 cousins for a while and wander out on Erie’s ice dunes or tromp in the snow peering in on the happy scenes in others’ windows. I needed the blustery outdoor elements and the interior candlelight. It was always a magical feeling that I couldn’t explain.
Cellular Meditation CD`s
to Dr R Brand
Longevity Pure Medicine
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