Hey fuck, what is up .....

I am often amazed when people visit these pages.
For i am of a simple mind - and not necessarily in the positive state.
It is how come i can dismiss chess as a game with no real purpose.
I never could get more than two moves ahead. Only capable of seeing a slight
variation than what is on the board in front of me. Hence my lack of landscaping skills, i plant by urge rather than design and it is not always 'successful'.
Don't show me plans for a building - just can't see it till it's there.
So simple in that i am incapable of seeing a pattern slip into another pattern and follow its route there.

Hence I have found the internet to be my educator on a game.
Okay so that is how that works and how that looks.
And my powers of observation have strengthened in accord with my increase in powers of cynicism and jadedness.


And in this chess game, it was all harmonious. We discussed the horrors facing us and who was behind them. With rage and empathy prevailing. And we painted images of two separate forces , the one always much stronger than the other'. And i could never make the leaps of understanding that others could, i just sort of took an overview. Made a collage of other people's insights, until i learnt to basically, based on the 'knowledge', accrued enough understanding to come to my own conclusion before any one else confirming it.




Does the killer wake up one morning and say whew I think I am going to kill someone.
Or was it a lifetime of programming. Genetic, social, familial, so many factors contributing to the day that the killing happens.
Who or what was behind, orchestrating with the most perfect timing each single event that led to the unfolding of a particular happening.
Albert Einstein was such....... a very specific tool was needed to bring through what he brought to our understanding.
Did he choose his brilliance, or did he just find it was available to him.

Who is this programmer that with such precision brought this whole thing to play.
Starting off with the perfect materials needed to create planets, and life forms, and mountains and ocean.
That same force that is behind the beating of our hearts and the spinning of the planets.
How can there be two opposing forces?



I am questioning this very deeply because this polarity is a disease that I want to distance myself from.
Where I have so much around me and yet mostly my mind just routinely wonders into satisfactions with what I 'don't have'. And upon noticing this it becomes more and more apparent that this is deep conditioning and yet on the same hand that which is conditioned is witnessing the presence of what is. We have always seen it- but we just never rest on it we always skip off into contraction.


I had read an article whereby someone commented on the fact that all suffering is is the gap between what you have and what you want to have.



I find it hard to reconcile that 2 million humans from Pakistan are homeless. Two million. I can't find any images of suffering faces like one did during the Haiti quakes and the su-nami from a few years back. Just distant shots of these communities suddenly vanished and under water. Two million lives are suddenly hanging over a precipice. How can that not be suffering?

And the blog world is remarkably silent about this flooding - instead people are trying to out user names with accusations.
Who is who -
I guess the one's who speak from the heart.

The one's who are not squalling through the airwaves with hatred and loathing in their hearts, Morbid preachers of hatred through righteousness.

So because my chess board, the blog world became a place of too many inequities, I could live with that...... but when it became slanging and jousting without us having the pleasure of knowing who is actually jousting with who.


I think I am going to opt out of this world and spend more time on the things right in front of me.
An exercise that happened for a day or two was to watch the body very carefully for any contraction.
To become super aware of the energy flow.
The weather was cold, the internet hostile so the kids and i sat around the fire knitting and making bread.
And suddenly a contraction would be noted and then attention would go to the thought that preceded the contraction.
And upon seeing that thought it just dissipates and suddenly there is the magic of being with these people, for the peace, for the harmony, for the warmth, for the home.

I recall losing our house in the fire. It was the loss of a lifestyle but only of sentimentality. The first night we were already sheltered, comfortable, consoled, able to make the next step. We lacked for nothing. All we lost was stuff and comfort, we immediately had a home.



And again I go to the floods in Pakistan. How are these people going to survive.
Apparently aid is only trickling in and maybe that is a godsend, maybe there is another way man can exist. How much freer would we be if the basic necessity of shelter no longer mattered. How would if in this dream (my dream i am told again and again) that the shift would actually be that humans have a way of living that does not entail having a structure around you. A fixedness of address. Potentially always at risk of disaster and thus fear.
I don't know why I have such a strong feeling that consciousness is going to be working magic in that space.
That maybe the times are ending for this particular, paradigm we know with its attendant joys and sorrows.
It is probably only just really wishful thinking disguised as possibility.
But these are the time of change - and what better change could there be for us as people to move beyond every law we have so far being taught.
Even down to the basis of eating.




A prayer for the people of Paikstan


My prayer to the people who are in a flood of magnitude beyond belief
is that it is not how much aid money comes in
it is not how much help can be raised

for me it is about you all meeting an infinite compassion
that what animates this universe and beats these hearts
reaches out and transforms your suffering into the birth of a new man.

with your ancient understandings and richness of spirit
that which is
shifts the paradigm and true transformation happens.
that somehow through some shift of atoms, you are no longer
dependent of a physical structure as a home.
that you become fluid and lose the density that keeps you
stuck in this space time
that no longer do you have to weep over flooded or dry fields
but that your sustenance is ever present just by being.
that you no longer have foreign agencies busting into your land
with machines capable of having caused what you are living through.....
that you suddenly can no longer be touched by the hatred
that some foolish speculators are heaping upon you.

I so respect your culture, your customs, your musicians, your spirit.
I pray that you can survive this horror in a way that honors you all.